Umm... excuse me, God? I'd like my childhood back. Not all of it, of course. Like I don't want to relive throwing gumballs at cars after school and hitting an ambulance. Nor breaking my arm, or my wrist, or my other wrist. And I'm not so keen on that time I... ahem. Anyway. I don't want those things back. What I want back is my fledgling sporting career. For I missed out on playing the one sport I'm certain I would be a, forgive the comparison, god at. Baseball was never it for me. I retired before joining the league with real pitchers, for I was awfully darn small, and those bruises from bad pitches looked awfully darn big. And soccer, well I loved it, but I was never superstar caliber. Nor bowling, football, swimming, tennis, croquet... No. Maybe ping pong though... But now, had dear old Nacogdoches had an ice hockey team, well, my name would be in lights. Little ones, on the back of the sporting page, that nobody reads. But still, lights. I feel I missed my true calling, simply by some slight happenstance of geography that placed me in a state where ice is a rare commodity. So that's all I need back. Got it? Just rewind, put me on skates from the age of 3, and I'll take care of the rest. Yes? Hello? I'm serious about this ya know. Completely serious. Hello? Little help here...
Are you even listening?
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