Five Minutes Fast

Me and time have this thing you see. It’s not that we hate each other. No. Heaven forbid. It's more that we just don’t understand one another. I mean, I can say I’ll be somewhere in twenty minutes, with every intention of being there in twenty minutes, and then time, the bastard, steps in and conspires to make certain I don’t arrive in anything under thirty minutes. And if I dare to name an exact time when I’ll appear, well... time, the bastard, waits for no man. Half five becomes six thirty becomes seven, and a million apologies fall flat at eight. ‘So say you’ll be there later,’ says the smartass in the front of the classroom. Which is just such a smug solution as you’d expect from the front row, but it’s not an answer. It doesn’t solve my compulsion to ‘not leave early,’ which lies at the root. If you don’t ever allow yourself to leave early, then you only have two options. On time. Or late. And on time resides nestled somewhere within about a one minute window, so you can guess the odds of that happening. Yeah. Time, the bastard, closes that window and sends me hurtling through the space-time continuum to reach every appointment late.

But at least I like making an entrance.


*As an addendum to the above, written the morning after the post of the night before, and as if to prove a point... I woke this morning before my alarm clock, got dressed and ready, even played on the keyboard and guitar for a while, and was still early to leave for work. So I went to the kitchen to make breakfast and... dropped the jam jar on my way from the fridge to the counter, shattering glass, and spreading raspberry jam all over the unbuttered floor. Fifteen minutes later, having swept and vacuumed glass flecks from the floor and I leave the house late for work. See? See what I'm up against?

Time, that malignant bastard, wins again.


*As a post-script to the addendum above to the post further above, written an evening after the morning after the morning before... today, I left the house exactly on time. Went swimming and left the pool exactly on time. And arrived at work, exactly on time.

I just felt I should mention it.